Culture

It’s a Blinking Conspiracy
As news beckons that the sixty watt light bulb will be no more, I peer through the dim light of the coiled energy saving excuse for illumination to rant about this recent event in British dictatorship.
Eco warriors may indeed be taking time out to have a cup of herbal tea by candlelight as they rejoice, however, what victory has actually been won?
Whilst seeking advice on how to reduce a carbon footprint last year, an energy saving spokesman told me directly, “Depending on the home of the light bulb and its use, energy saving light bulbs are not always more energy efficient. As they take longer to warm up, they use the more energy compared to standard bulbs if only on for a short time.”
So, you enter the bathroom and exit in the time it takes for this feeble excuse for a light bulb to strike up, confident are you in your energy saving mission, your smugness overlooks the fact that our old tried and tested mainstays would use less power.
Yet the government legislation is set, and we are thrust back into a post war era trying to read this news through a luminosity constructed to dim our senses.
That’s not the only bad news, as stocks run low, 2012 heralds the arrival of yet another ban of lower wattage bulbs, meaning we are left without our freedom of choice and forced to live in a muted world in order to protect the planet.
These imposters not only take an age to ignite, they also emit ultra violet rays, another concern advocated by the government, another crisis we must be aware of, yet it seems swapping energy for health is A OK as long as we save the pennies.
But why us, the general public? Why should we be submitted to harmful emissions, and deprived of radiance as if being unwittingly driven into the target of torture? Our homes are a plenty, there’s certainly a lot of us, but why not start with the big guns?
Will footballers be expected to sing the National Anthem as they anticipate the glow of the floodlights? Will Stars have their names up in energy economical illuminations on Broadway? Will skyscrapers swap their bright beams for a fuzzy glow? Runways? Lighthouses? Satellites? The list is endless.
Not to mention ovens that only cook meat rare, dryers that need manual blowing power, and hedge trimmers that refuse to cut anything but peace signs in your box bush.
If I were conspiracy inclined, I’d be inclined towards a conspiracy. This all reeks of dictatorship and forward planning to subdue the British public into a constant state of daylight deprived depression akin to SAD in order for us to become too feeble to fight the fight before it’s begun.
And now it’s happening where does it stop? Will our cars be banned unless we go hybrid? Our lawnmowers made to run on vegetable oil? Our HD flat screen 42 inch TV’s hiked and taken away, all for the greater good of the country?
Watch out Britain, new jobs may well be created as an army of energy forces e employed to invade your home and slap you with fines for overcharging your mobile phone. Left the TV on standby? That’s a thousand quid please. Boiled the kettle twice for a cup of tea? We’ll have to cart you off for community service.
All of this just begs one question, what are they up to and why?